We are all victims.

I know that this phrase seems very dark and “emo”. But come to think of it, we are victims of the expectations of society. We are victims of circumstance. At times, we are victimized by the people that we encounter in our everyday lives. We are victimized of ideas that continually tweak our mindset and make us behave in a certain way.

Indeed, we are victims. Well, I agree with my Tito who first introduced this phrase to me and my cousins. I never really asked why he said those words over our “inuman” sessions in Mindoro. Where did that thought come from? Was he just drunk? Or was I just drunk? Haha. I got intrigued by the phrase so I went up to my cousin (my tito’s daughter) and asked about it. It turned out that my cousin and my tito had the same dream. They wanted make money of something that they like- music. They dreamt jobs that are attuned to their interests.

“Biktima tayong lahat. May gusto man akong gawin sa buhay pero hindi ko magawa. Mahirap yung landas na iyon. Ibang landas yung tinahak ko at kapag iniisip ko yung mga asawa at anak ko, I have no regrets.”

So that’s where it came from. I know that my tito is really happy with his life right now. Yet sometimes, one just couldn’t help but wonder about what could’ve been. For him, (at least what was said by my cousin about his father), he couldn’t be a musician. It wasn’t because he didn’t have the talent to be one. It’s because it wasn’t what his family and relatives expected him to be. He had to be like everybody else in society, a person who has a stable, income-generating job to be able to feed his kids. Instead, he just focused on being a good businessman. And in return, he made music as his hobby or pastime.

And what’s my point? There are instances in life wherein you are not in control of your life. As stated in class, there are times where you are objectified in which you are denied of a choice. My quintessential example of this can be my relationship with mother. Ever since my father passed away, she had this idea of me following his footsteps. Judge Hannah Viola, the daughter of the late Judge Horacio T. Viola Jr. Wow. Pwede! It sounds very nice, right? But come to think of it, was I the one who made this choice? Was I the one who said, “I want to be a judge or an attorney someday… just like my father”. No. I didn’t say that. I had no choice. In my head, I was thinking of making my father proud in the ways that I can. I want to make my father proud based on what I will contribute to my family and to the society in general, even if I’m not a lawyer. Before entering the different colleges, we had to make our first choice, second choice and third choice of courses. I always had the third choice. But the first and second choices always came from my mother. The question is, why have I allowed her to do that? Why succumb to her idea and disregard my own choice? Well, I guess I have allowed it to happen. I don’t want to say that I had no choice. I had a choice to say no, but couldn’t because of the circumstance. She is my mother, and I had to respect her. Ilaw ng tahanan, siya ang dapat masunod hindi ba? Hmmmm says who? Society says so.

But now, as I think of it, I have no regrets in taking up this course. I never expected it to be fun. So from another angle, I accepted my mother’s decision for me. Maybe she was right. On the other hand, there are times when she is wrong. Now that I’m of age, I have to decide for myself. I have to make my choice because it is my life. I might be swayed by my mom but from now on, I will keep in mind that I am the “master of my fate, the captain of my soul” so to speak.

There are also times wherein the tables have turned. I am now the one who objectifies others. An example of this can be my relationship with my boyfriend. In our culture, it is very common to her someone “under” in a relationship. I am not saying that I am dominating or what. There are just some aspects wherein I take over and times wherein he dominates. For the past months, I have been telling my boyfriend to get a sport. He used to be part of the swim team when he was in high school. He really is an athletic person but he was just lazy to do something. So I pushed him to get a sport. I don’t know whether he was doing it for me or he was doing it to get back in shape. But I did it because I think that it would be good for him. So he can be healthy and productive instead of being idle. I actually felt guilty at first. I mean, it was hard for him to adjust. Eventually, I told him to stop because he was already having a hard time with his schedule. In the end, however, he liked the sport and became part of the competing team. I’m so proud of him. But in my head, I couldn’t help but think that I denied him of a choice, even if things turned out to be great. This leads me back to where we started. We are all victims because of our acceptance to the norm, to the world that we live in. We are all victims of objectification and domination. At the same time, we are the same people who objectify and dominate, whether consciously or subconsciously.