I am torn between two spaces: the beach or the house. First, I picked the beach since it is where I feel free and relaxed. The sand between my toes, the gush of wind on my face, the sound of the crashing waves. . I feel like I am one with nature. It’s as if nature is my home. On the other hand, I thought about my real home in Bulacan, where my mom and I live. Ever since my dad passed away in 2004, it’s always been my mom and I at home. Together, we struggle to survive in the midst of adversities that come along our way. In the end, I picked the latter since I can further express my experiences and thoughts about having a life without a father figure.
Home is where the heart is.
At home, I was brought up by my parents, the late Horacio T. Viola Jr. and Judy Reyes Viola. My parents are loving and genuinely the best parents that I could ever have. Although we have had our quarrels and misunderstandings, I am still happy that I am their only daughter. In Malolos, we live such quiet lives. My father was a judge and my mother was a housewife/ businesswoman. It is through them that I learned to be independent and kind. I also learned the values of respect, obedience and justice through their ideas and thoughts in life. I also have a half-brother, Kuya Herbie, although he did not stay in our provincial home.
Power Relations: Roles of the Family
Before my father’s death, we used to be a really happy family. We would go out on weekends and just spend time with each other. I’m not saying that we’re not happy now. It’s just difficult for me and my mom to live our lives in luxury because of the loss of his much treasured husband and my beloved father. Prior to my father’s death in 2004, my mother assumed a dominant position in the house. She is a housewife but at the same time, she has a garment/ clothing business at the back of our house. Hence, her so-called power resides in the house such that everyone in the house is to obey her. On the other hand, my father poses no exception to my mother’s control inside the house. Although she is not strict to my father, she uses her charm to do what she wants my father to do. For instance, there was a time when my Dad and I washed the dishes when our yaya ran away. Since she was going to miss her favorite teleserye, we were the ones who washed the dishes and cleaned the table. Outside the house, however, my father is more dominant. The final say always comes from my father- whether it is where we eat, where we park or where we go to Church. Moreover, all the financial and physical support comes from my father whereas the emotional support usually comes from my mother. It is quite evident that externally and internally, they complement each other. I, on the other hand, have to obey the both of them of course. In the Feminist point of view, my mother is empowered since she is well-respected as she dominates the house. Although there is a sexual division of labor, as my mom gets the household aspect while my father gets the financial aspect, my mom is happy that she gets a say in something. For her, although some people consider doing household chores as menial, she wants to do it anyway since it is for the family. Moreover, she is not just all about house chores; she also helps in earning income by handling the garment business.
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| HannaBie's Garments |
After my father passed away, my mother totally assumed her role together with my father’s role. Ever since she became a widow, she has to be strong for the both of us. Before, we had my father as the “Haligi ng Tahanan” or “Foundation/Pillar of the House” whereas my mother was the “Ilaw ng Tahanan” or “Light of the House”. Now, my mom has to play both parts. In the Feminist point of view, empowerment enters the picture when she is able to assume the roles of both a mother and a father. As a father, she has to take care of the financial and income generating matters. As a mother, she has to take care of me and the household. With this, she is treated like a “Super Mom”, wherein she can do almost anything, regardless if it is a stereotypical male task (e.g. driving cars, fixing the light bulb etc). Also, bisexuality is emphasized here in terms of being able to do both feminine and masculine tasks. On the other hand, she told me the down side of being both a mother and a father. She is unable to fully balance it. If before, she is helped by my father, now she is alone in decision-making to the point that she has to cater to even the smallest detail.
The deconstruction that takes in place in the house is seen in the way that my mother has been able to assume the responsibilities of both a woman and a man. Another point of deconstruction here can be when the father assumes his responsibilities together with being that of a mother in the household.
Her Powers in the House
As mentioned earlier, she assumes dominance in the house. This is reflected in the way that she has constructed the house. My father told me once that he preferred a quite modern household. But since my father doesn’t really want to meddle in the household, he let my mother design the house. Our house is pretty old since we inherited in from my mother’s grandparents. What she did with it is to fill it with antique and indigenous Filipino designs. Through her designs, you can see that she exercises her power in dictating what to put and what not to put inside the house. In addition to her power over the house, she has power over me. She always gets mad if I don’t do anything in the house or if I am just plain unhelpful. She scolds a lot too.
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| Painting which represents us three |
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| Old Iron/Plantsa |
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| Old Tea cups |
Her Powers outside the House
Although my mother is quite overbearing in the household, things are different when matters are taken outside the house. Single parents and widows are like and different in many ways. First off, single mothers have a choice to divorce their husbands. Widows, on the other hand, probably don’t want that choice since they are left by their spouse based on their “time and circumstance”. Moreover, it is said that “women’s greater economic independence has enabled many to embrace a libertarian feminist view of motherhood grounded in perceptions of their maturity, financial capability and freedom of choice.” On the other hand, widows are usually not immediately self-sufficient because of the quick and unexpected loss of their husbands. Consequently, their similarity rests on the fact that they are single-handedly assigned to care for their children.
In this light, my mother had a hard time when my father passed away. We were drowning with debt or “nababaon sa utang” in Filipino. Of course, our relatives were there to assist us. But my mother didn’t abuse their kindness since she knew that they had their own families to worry about. It is in this context that I realized that even though my mom was the one in charge of the household. She was vulnerable and subjugated. This is reflected in society wherein some companies would not prefer women because they had children to care about, whereas if they hired men, their full commitment would be in the company.
Since she was having a hard time supporting the both of us, she decided to study for medical transcription for about 6 months. By the time she got her degree (if you would call it that), she immediately flew to the states and worked there.
In this light, I can relate post-colonialism and feminism with my mother’s actions. Although my mother had a business in the Philippines, she took the risk of going to the States even though she knows that Filipinos, especially Filipino women are being treated with inferiority. It would seem like a double blow for her, being a Filipino and being a woman. Being a Filipino meant that she would have to suffer hearing racist remarks because Filipinos are known for taking menial jobs. Moreover, being a brown woman entails a big amount of sacrifice to endure the male-dominated society of the West. Though this is the case, she still searched for “greener pastures” since our country had fewer opportunities for her at that time. She wanted to earn dollars rather than the Philippine peso. She was attracted to the perks and privileges that come with working in the States.
Effects to my identity
“Sa mundong aking ginagalawan”, I would have to say that my home and my family definitely made me who I am at present. I may not have the dominant voice in the house, but at least I am allowed to voice out my opinions. In the household, I am able to gauge my powers that I have and the powers that I have on others. In terms of my own powers, I can influence the decisions of my parents to only a considerable degree. They hear me out but in the end, my parents always have the final say. In terms of the power that my parents have on me, I am bound to respect and obey them at all times (if not most of the time). The reason behind this, according to my parents, is that I am not self-sufficient. As long as I live inside the house, I follow by their rules. As my mother is dominant in the house, while my late father was overbearing in the external affairs, I have learned to strike a balance between the two. They both taught me how to make compromises. But when my father passed away, I realized that the more balance is needed since it’s hard to both assume motherly and fatherly roles in the household, as exemplified by my mother.
Source:
Jones, B.D. (2003). Single Motherhood by Choice, Libertarian Feminism, and the Uniform Parentage Act. Retrieved from
Jones, B.D. (2003). Single Motherhood by Choice, Libertarian Feminism, and the Uniform Parentage Act. Retrieved from
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